


I ran out of every reason

by foxyroxi



Series: AFTG Angst fest [4]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Getting Back Together, Hurt Neil Josten, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Andrew Minyard, because they are idiots, but get back together, they break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27197458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxyroxi/pseuds/foxyroxi
Summary: “We should break up.”Andrew couldn’t stop the words before they left him.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: AFTG Angst fest [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976305
Comments: 1
Kudos: 117





	I ran out of every reason

**Author's Note:**

> A little bit of hurt hasn't anyone before :')
> 
> Also, I'm sorry this is rushed!
> 
> Unbetaed.  
> English is not my first language, so all mistakes are my own!  
> Be kind to others!
> 
> You can talk to me on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/foxyroxi_writes)!

“We should break up.”

Andrew couldn’t stop the words before they left him. He was sitting on the windowsill like he had done for the past month, wearing one of Neil’s hoodies and a pair of sweats, feeling like the world was against him. He had been in a dark hole and Neil had been ever so wonderful and helpful. He had given Andrew space, but he still felt like suffocating. He felt like he was suffocating by the only good thing in his life. Neil was good, and some days he knew Andrew better than Andrew knew himself. Neil was the best thing that had happened to him, and he was breaking them up because he couldn’t handle the thought of being in a relationship. A relationship that he was suffocating in. A relationship that wasn’t satisfying to Neil.

“What?” Neil asked, his voice small and shaking, like he could believe his ears. Andrew could hear the heartbreak in his voice and he couldn’t bring himself to care. “What are you asking me, Andrew?”

“I’m not asking you anything, Neil. I’m telling you I want to break up.”

“You can’t be serious, Andrew.”

“I am very serious, Neil,” he said and got off the windowsill. “I’m as serious as I’ll ever be. I am suffocating in this relationship. You are suffocating me!” He grabbed one of the ashtrays off the coffee table and threw it against the wall, making Neil jump in surprise and the cats run out of the living room. He could see Neil’s lower lip quivered, he could see the tears in Neil’s eyes. “You are killing me with your constant whining and complaining and caring!” 

Neil was silent as he stared at Andrew. Andrew was waiting for the first blow, the reaction from him, but it never came, which was a disappointment because Andrew wanted Neil to yell and curse at him. He needed Neil to yell at him, because he knew Neil was dying on the inside to know what made Andrew come up with this conclusion. Instead, Neil walked into the bedroom and packed his bags with his belongings, grabbed his racquets and exy gear, then he left the apartment without saying goodbye to the cats or to Andrew. It shouldn’t bother Andrew. He was the one who had broken them up to begin with, not Neil.

But Neil leaving without saying goodbye still hurt him, because Andrew thought he had calculated Neil’s reaction pattern. Neil was good at expressing himself, but he could shut down faster than Andrew ever could. He looked at the front door after Neil closed, half expecting him to come back to yell at him, but the door remained closed. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, but it was dark outside when he finally moved to the coffee table where Neil had placed the last meal he had made for Andrew. It was his favourite sandwich, roast beef with no salad and lots of mayonnaise. Picked up the plate and looked at it, feeling something tug inside his chest before he threw the plate across the room, the porcelain shattering and flying around. 

He screamed, tears running down his cheeks. He didn’t know why he was crying, but crying he was. He didn’t stop crying; he didn’t stop breaking things until there was nothing left to break in the apartment. The cats were smart and stayed in the bedroom, because he didn’t want to hurt them. He sat on top of his bed, his shoulders sagging, tears still running. He had nothing left to break, no more energy to scream. His voice was raw and broken. Sir and King curled on top of their cat tree in the bedroom’s corner, sleeping next to each other. 

He picked up his phone and looked through the pictures. He didn’t know how many times he had looked at the pictures of Neil. Of them. Of them and their cats. He had lost count, but he assumed it had been a week. A week since Neil had left. A week since Andrew had pushed Neil over the edge and made him leave. A week since he had last seen Neil. But it had been even longer since he had seen Neil’s smile. Even in pictures, Neil’s smile was bright and filled with energy and infectious. He dialled Neil’s number, but it went straight to voicemail. When he heard Neil’s voice telling him to leave a message or call back later, he wept. He hung up just to listen again, as a form of self torture. He didn’t know how many times he called and hung up before he picked up.

_ “Andrew?” _

He hung up as a reflex. He had expected to hear Neil’s voice, not the annoying Frenchman’s. He looked at his phone, thinking about calling again, but he couldn’t handle listening to Jean’s voice, when he needed to hear Neil’s. It was Jean’s voice. Had Neil gone to France? What time was it? Where the  _ fuck _ was Jean living again? He hung his head and pressed his phone against his forehead, weighing the pros and cons for talking to Jean about Neil. He pulled his phone away and dialled Neil’s number again. 

_ “What do you want, Andrew?” _

“Where’s Neil?” He asked, sitting up straighter like it would improve on his miserable state. 

_ “Sleeping on my couch. What the fuck did you do to him? He called me from the airport, telling me he was coming to stay. He was a fucking mess and Kevin was this close to getting on a plane so he could smash your head in.” _

_ Florida, then. _

“I would probably deserve it.”

_ “You deserve it. But this is not my battle to fight. It’s not Kevin’s battle to fight. Make it up to Neil somehow because you broke him, Andrew. You broke him and I don’t know if you can make it up to him this time.” _

He didn’t know how to make it up to Neil, but breaking up with Neil was the worst thing he had ever done to them. He knew he had to make it up to Neil, but how he didn’t know. Neil knew Andrew better than Andrew knew himself, and Andrew knew Neil better than Neil knew himself.

“Jean, listen… I’m coming to get him, so don’t tell him, okay? I’ll come and… see if Neil will forgive me enough to take me back. Just… don’t tell him and Kevin. I’ll be there in two days’ time,” he said, booting his computer up. He ordered a dozen sunflowers and peonies because those flowers were Neil’s favorite. “There’s a bouquet coming for Neil in the morning. I’ll call you when I’m in Florida.” He hung up before he gave Jean the chance to reply. He looked up plane tickets, feeling the same uneasiness in his stomach as always when he thought about getting on a plane. He bought one plane ticket because he was coming back home without Neil. He cleaned up the apartment in the middle of the night because there was no way he was taking Neil home to a ruined apartment. He didn’t sleep that night, too many feelings and thoughts going through his mind. Mostly it was hard to sleep in an empty bed at this point. They had never gone to bed angry or upset, and he wasn’t about to start now. 

When morning came he went to talk to the old lady next door. She often watched over Sir and King when they were out of town for games and tournaments. He handed the extra key they had, then went to say goodbye to his cats. He picked them both up and put them on the bed as he kneeled in front of it.

“I’m going to be gone for a few days, but when I come home, it’s with Neil. I’m going to get him back, so you be good girls to Mrs. Hanson, okay?” Sir chirped and King purred, but they both rubbed against Andrew’s face to get Andrew in a better mood. It didn’t exactly help, but he left the apartment in a slightly better mindset than otherwise would have been. The drive to the airport seemed longer than usual because Neil wasn’t with him to calm him down, but the hoodie was wearing still smelled like Neil’s deodorant and aftershave. He parked the car in short-term parking and sat there for a minute or two, taking in Neil’s scent. If Neil had been there, he would have said; ‘it’s okay, Andrew. I’m here. Nothing bad will happen. Just hold my hand and close your eyes and it will be over soon.’

He got out of the maserati, grabbed his bags and headed for the airport. He headed straight for the gate, because he only had one bag and he didn’t want to spend any more time in the airport without Neil. His flight was delayed because of a fucking snow storm in Denver that appeared like that. It only meant he had to spend more time in the airport than he would like to. Meant that he couldn’t get this over with. Meant to, he couldn’t get to Neil as quickly as he would have liked. He texted Jean when he boarded the plane, asking for their address so he could find a hotel room close by. Jean replied that he didn’t have to. Kevin had already taken care of it. He turned off his phone and prayed that everything would be fine.

When he landed in Florida, it was hot. The sun was unbelievably hot and Andrew instantly regretted wearing his woollen coat. The plane ride had been terrible and if Neil would not come home with him, he might as well stay in Florida, even if he didn’t like the heat. He turned on his phone and opened the text from Jean with the address for the hotel. He hailed a cab and went to his hotel. He flopped onto the bed when he arrived, sighing. He hadn’t been sleeping for the past week. Or well he had, but it was hard without Neil. The cat’s had also noticed Neil’s absences in the apartment and in their lives. They slept on Neil’s side of the bed and in his open clothes drawers and on his side of the couch. He toed off his shoes and got comfortable on the bed, his nose buried in the hoodie's collar that still smelt like Neil and slowly fell asleep. 

He got a few hours of sleep, and when he woke up; it was dark outside. He stepped onto the balcony and lit a cigarette and placed it between his lips. He inhaled the acrid smoke and almost immediately coughed. He had stopped smoking when he and Neil got recruited to the same team a couple of years into their pro careers. He inhaled once more before he put the cigarette out on the railing and put the rest back in the box. He went inside and took a shower. He couldn’t show Neil he sucked at taking care of himself when Neil wasn’t around to remind him. He hadn’t scheduled a time with Jean and Kevin, but Jean had texted him they would both be out for the night. He dressed in clean clothes, styled his hair and shaved before he left his hotel room. 

The walk to Jean and Kevin’s apartment were short. Jean had been smart to book a hotel close to their apartment, though he didn’t have to walk long before he came across Neil sitting on a bench in a nearby park. He didn’t know why Neil was sitting on a bench outside when he could be inside, away from this scorching heat. He walked into the nearest 7/11 and bought two bottles of water and two lollipops, before he approached Neil on the bench. 

“Why are you sitting here by yourself?” 

“Why do you care, Andrew?” Neil’s voice was flat and without emotion. He couldn’t read how he was feeling when he sounded like he was done caring. “Why are you even here? You broke up with me, remember?”

He remembered very well, and he would for the rest of his life. “I’m here to make it up to you.”

Neil scoffed. He turned around to look at Andrew. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked like he hadn’t been sleeping in a week either. “To make it up to me? What makes you think I want to get back together with you after what you did to me?” Andrew couldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to get back together. He had been awful to Neil for a long time, and Neil deserved better.

“I talked to Jean. He told me you were a mess. I said he could kick my ass if I ever hurt you again. Maybe not in so many words, but you know,” he said, and Neil let out a brief chuckle. “And because I can’t… live without you. I haven’t slept in a week, Neil. I can’t sleep without you next to me. I miss you. The cat’s miss you. It’s not the same without you, Neil. And I’m sorry I treated you like that.” He sat down next to Neil and wrung his hands in front of him. “I’m… sorry I said that you were killing me, when you are in fact not. You’re the one keeping me alive and I don’t know how to go on without you.”

Neil sniffled next to him. It wasn’t like Neil to be crying. He was quiet for a while, probably digesting everything Andrew had just told him. He didn’t know what went through Neil’s mind especially after they had fought. “You can’t… do that again, Drew,” the redhead whispered, and Andrew nodded. “And you have to… see someone about your feelings and issues. You can’t take them out on me.” He handed Neil one of the water bottles. 

“Will you come home with me?”

Neil turned his head to look at Andrew. He smiled a little. 

“Yeah, I’ll come home. But only because Kevin is a pain in the ass when he doesn’t get laid. And I miss the cat’s.”

Andrew laughed and handed one of the water bottles and lollipops. 

They were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> You can talk to me on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/foxyroxi_writes)!


End file.
